Build U Up

Tolerations Take a Toll

March 12, 2021

What do desktop clutter, inadequate tools for the job, a too-chatty co-worker and a troublesome relationship with the boss have in common?

They’re all tolerations, the little and big things we put up with—often without realizing it—that sap our energy and drain our life force. Every time we tolerate something, we deplete the energy we could be using to grow our business or make desired changes or to simply experience joy. It’s like living with a low-grade fever or pain that somehow dulls our experience and zaps our full vitality.

When am I going to get to all that paperwork? Zap!    

Ughhh. I wish he would just be quiet. Zap!

My computer just froze again—the third time today. Zap!

At the root of our tolerations are a variety of limiting beliefs that immobilize us. For example: “I can’t take the time.” “That’s just the way it is.” “Don’t rock the boat—play it safe.” “Don’t complain or be too demanding.” “It’s not that important.” “I have no control.” 

There are countless limiting beliefs, yet they all serve to dampen our life force and keep us playing small. And, boy, are they exhausting!

If we’re committed to creating work and personal life that’s balanced and fulfilling, if we want to fully express our unique gifts and be of service, it’s necessary to consciously evaluate and eliminate the tolerations standing in our way. Here are some ideas on how to do that:

Appraise. Make an honest appraisal of what you’re tolerating in each of the areas of your life: environment, health, work, money, relationship and so on. Write down everything that annoys you or that you put up with. You’ll likely come up with more than 100 of these tolerations!

Choose. Based on your values and goals, you get to choose. What will you say “no” to? “Yes?” Make sure the “yeses” really excite you. Commit to making them real!

Plan. With the support of your coach, friends or family, develop a strategy for eliminating these tolerations. You don’t have to do it alone—in fact, it’s more fun to partner up or create a support team.

Verify. Create accountability around your goals, with specific deadlines for eliminating tolerations. How many and which ones will you eliminate each day?

Evaluate. Examine each underlying limited belief that’s kept you putting up with these things. Again, get support to help you break through them. You may be so close to some of these beliefs that you can’t recognize them for what they are.

Appreciate. Take an honest look at what you gain by keeping things as they are. There’s always some kind of payoff for whatever’s going on in your life. Who in your life—or what part of you—doesn’t want things to change? Appreciate that person or part and look for ways for it to be a win-win for all.

Request. Remember that complaints are usually unspoken requests. What requests do you need to make?

As you eliminate tolerations, you’ll feel the joy of being at choice, an increase in your vitality and a sense of empowerment. Then YOU will be in the driver’s seat…and won’t that be a beautiful and worthwhile ride?

To your success,

Tina Asher
Business/Career Coach • Trainer • Author
Build U Up Consulting

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